It is possible to love someone and not like someone at the same time. I know it, I am going through it, and I so don’t like it. Bryce, oh what to do, what to do, I am at a loss, clueless, frustrated and ready to teeter into a nervous breakdown over him. I so dislike him at this time, yet know deep down I love him still. If I didn’t I wouldn’t even worry, but oh worry is the word every minute of every day right now.
The pride I felt when he joined the Air Force, well you all know, it was awesome and felt so good he was on the right path. Then yep all hell breaks loose, he quits before he gives it a chance and ends up back home. Had money for awhile from his pay in the service, then income tax but yeah he learned that it so doesn’t last. He even looked and found a job. Not the best job in the world but a job none the less. It was a security position for the Fred Meyer store during their re-model and the hours 10pm to 7am. First day scheduled, did he go?? No, decided those hours weren’t good, didn’t want to do it.
He applied for a few on line and that was it, no hitting the pavement looking, no follow up on the ones he applied for , no effort in even looking!! He sleeps til whenever, gets up, has breakfast and on the computer playing games or in his room playing games. That’s his life. I did give him a list of chores to do while he is unemployed but yeah that didn’t last. His chores, clean his room, the main bathroom, vacuum, dust, dishes, and trash. That lasted like two days if that. I so can’t live in this house waiting for the work to get done mid afternoon when he gets his butt out of bed. Yes, I have gone in to wake him alot, to no avail.
So then tried talking with him, asking his goals, what he plans to do etc. That ended in a huge fight trust me there. He is so damn arrogant and to him, the world owes him and he shouldn’t have to take any menial job for minimum wage. I tried talking to hubby but he gets sooooooooooo upset, I don’t want us arguing. My daughter and son just tell me to kick him out. That is one thing I can not do ever. Hey we take in people not kick them out!!! So I feel so alone with all of this. I am the one home every day seeing him waste his life playing games and doing nothing. I can’t get away like hubby can. He goes to work each day and doesn’t have to be around it. I have absolutely NO ONE to talk to and just feel like I am on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Like standing on the edge of a cliff, one gust of wind and I am a goner. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Yesterday I tried talking to him again. No yelling etc like I want, just talk. Did it work? hell no, he ended up going into his room and I never saw him til just a few minutes ago this morning when he got up. His light was on at 12:30am when I went to bed, so yeah he was playing games and not a care in the world.
So no insurance on the car after next week, he owes on a credit card I didn’t know he had, and has other bills, no job and no ambition. I so didn’t raise him, well partially raise him that way. I don’t want to blame his up bringing cause hell he has lived with us for 9 years now so that’s long enough to establish responsibilities and priorities. Bye now he should know that in this family we work and we work hard for what we want, to make sure bills are paid and everyone pulls their weight. Before my foot problem I worked out and was dedicated, and now I feel dedicated to mama and the house, so why doesn’t he see that? I mean we take such pride in what we do how we accomplish things and most of all being a family. With his attitude he is tearing this family apart and makes life plain miserable. Oh we go on and do our thing but it just doesn’t seem right. I know the family isn’t complete, I know I have feeling of dislike and hate to admit but at times even resentment. I mean seriously I have all ready raised my kids, so at this point in life I feel I should be having things easier, not all the worry arguing, resentment. Pity part huh? Could be I just don’t even know anymore. Here I am in knots and turmoil all the time when I think of him and him; yeah not a care in the world except his video games.
I have nothing against games, hell I bowl every night but everything is taken care of by the time hubby and I bowl. Priorities matter.
So my next move is today I am telling him he has until April 15th to find a job or else all games, computers , hand held game etc are MINE!!! He can sit and do absolutely nothing for all I care but the electronics will not be available to him at all. I am wondering if that will work. Dang something has to before I totally lose it. I am so worried about him and his future it literally makes me sick.
I know we are enabling him by not kicking him out but that is the one thing I will not do. I so couldn’t live with myself knowing he was out there somewhere, nope I am not that kind of person. Right now I am just going to do alot of praying and hope he will eventually shape up. Dang don’t know what else to do.
Sorry to go on and on I know you all have bigger and worst problems but I had to hit the “release” valve in me today and with no one to talk to, figured maybe writing it out will help.