Dementia or Altzheimers

April 30, 2007

I know it’s like I so despise the word altzheimers, so I refuse to relate that to mama. I am only fooling myself because each day I see the altzheimers more than the dementia. I can fool myself for awhile longer though, I am sure of it.

Have you ever wondered about the working of your brain? I never did, I always thought, okay I have a brain, that’s what the doctors say , that’s what all the books say and it will always be with me. Not so, the brain is a real funny thing you know? It can let you down, I am seeing first hand with my mom. Imagine waking up every single day and not having a clue as to where you are, what you are doing there and even who the person is that woke you up. Yeah that’s her. I go in her room, the dog and cat jump up on her bed and I lay down beside her. She just looks and I tell her all over again who I am, where she is etc. Now mmm the “little dog” as she calls Max, I believe she remembers, same with the cat. Although at times she will ask me who they belong to.

Her days are all the same, everything is new to her. Never been here before, never did this before, never say this house before, it’s just so sad. But what is really eating at me now is that word atlzheimers!!! Up until recently I really didn’t see a whole lot of change in her and I would answer her questions, roll with the flow etc and continue to say she has dementia.

Why do I think well know it’s altzheimers? The hallucinations, the eyes that look but I am not sure if they see you, the not being able to walk the majority of the time, oh lots of things. The hallucinations mainly though, the other stuff I can deal with, help her, transport her etc. Hallucinations well I can pretend to do as she ask. One time it was “do you see that bread running across the counter?” “Can you make it stop?”. The other day she was in fear almost, told me she had a bunch of bananas on her arm and would I please get them off. I tried but she kept telling me they were still there. I did all sorts of things to ease her fears, take the “load” of the bananas off her but nothing worked. Finally I just changed the subject and that seemed to bring her back to me. In some instances it can be funny, not laughing at her, but you know just funny what she dreams up. This instance though to me almost scared me. She was so serious, so worried and oh the glaze in her eyes. You see my fear is she is going to just fade into her own lil world one of these days, and I won’t be able to bring her back.

Hope Floats, a great movie, gave me an in site of what altzheimers really is. For those of you that have seen it, remember the dad? Just sitting there staring straight ahead, and only living in the past?? That is what I watch for in mama. Each day the sad thing is I see it getting more a reality. I want to prevent it, keep her active, but how I do that, way beyond me.

I talk to her all the time, just silly things, anything really. Sing silly songs, have her dance, get her giggling just whatever pops into my head. I do all this to keep that glaze and the hallucinations at bay. I know I can’t fool the brain, yeah my brain tells me that. But my heart says something different. My heart says do whatever it takes to keep mama in this world with us, don’t let the glaze in her eyes stay. Don’t let her fade away and just sit all day staring doing nothing. I have got to continue and I just have to keep her here!!!!

This blog business is awesome for me when I have such fears. It’s therapy, my out, keeps me sane. Gives me the strength to carry on and to keep mama in the here and now. I was against blogging at first, enjoyed reading everyone’s and still do, but never thought it would help me as much as it has. Kellie and Kelly my thanks to both of you for “forcing” me to blog. Yeah Kellie you used lil Morgan, uh huh, you know it!!! Dirty pool girl, how can I let Morgan down, right? Kelly M you used the beat her with a stick tactic, yeah and you know it. Badger me all the time haha. So I hate letting you both know you are “right” but have no choice. So thank you two, you have given me another avenue to well vent, whine, be silly, and therapy all in one.

So now it’s time to put the computer away and spend all the quality time I can with my mom, she is the very best and with alot of hope, prayer, medications, and especially LOVE, here’s hoping I can keep her in the here and now.

Do me a favor to all that read this. Pick up the phone, or if close, visit with your mom’s okay??? Treasure you mom, whether you think they are the good, the bad or the ugly, they are your mom and life is way to cruel and short to not chat with them and enjoy them every single day. I miss my mom more than words could say, I want her back, I want to tell her things that I should have when she was “here” It’s too late for me, so please all of you, don’t let it be too late for you. The brain is great, yet it can be bad at the same time!!!!


Gotta Paint

April 27, 2007

Ugh I was checking out the hallway the other day and oh my, it has been so neglected. Why we did that I have no clue. We have painted in this house many many time, cause that’s the way I am, love to switch things up. But dang, totally left the hallway. So what was once white paint is now yellow, ugly dirty hallway. Can’t have that so I took the broom, swept the ceiling, walls etc, then taped all the doorways etc off. Yeah that was Tuesday and here it is Fri and I haven’t even touched it yet. I need to fill in all those sweet nail holes, cause as my kids call it, I had the “hall of shame” and lots of nail holes. Need to fill those in, once dry, sand them and then tomorrow get busy painting. Funny though, I used the blue painters tape and so like the look!!! 🙂 The nice even blue lines around the doorways and the floor molding, look cool!!! Painting for me is a job, but if I can do it and save hubby I will feel good. He spends his spare time trying to keep up with the yard, dang grass grows over night, I know it does.

To explain the “hall of shame” well like I said my kids dubbed it that not me. Ever since they were babies I of course like any parent had their pictures done. Each year, yup had to have professional pictures. We ran out of wall space of course, so I made a wall for each of the kids, Ronnie on one side and Brandi on the other. You walk down the hall and can see each year. That lasted for a very long time, then my hubby made collages out of them and we hung those. Haha even this past February my son came home, first time in like 5 yrs, and sure enough he says “yep still have the hall of shame up, I see.” Hey I enjoy looking at the pics and just thinking back to the “good ol days”, so mm I will always have a hall of shame, no matter where I am, no matter how much the kids complain!!!

Not a lot going on waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out here in Washington. I am still waiting for the nice sunny spring that we used to have. But so far we do outside work in between the rain drops. I am hoping the summer at least will be hot, need it. When it’s dreary it just tends to drag me down. I love being outside in the sunshine and warm weather. I have tried ordering sun, but so far only get bits and pieces. One day it’s gorgeous just long enough to tease, then the next thing you know the rain rolls in and no more outside work. So how does the ordering work anyway? Do I dial 1-800-sun or what? I need to find out, we want sunshine!!!!

Sitting on this computer half the morning doesn’t get the hallway done, so I suppose if I shut this down, put it out of sight, I may get myself in gear. Once I start I hate to quit but it’s getting started that’s hard.

Seeing how this is just a bunch of mumble jumble anyway, I will shut down and see if that helps to get busy. Here’s hoping I do!!!  I need to kick myself in the but, that would do it for sure!!!!!


Idol Gives Back

April 27, 2007

Okay so how many watch that show last night?  I was so moved by it, I was amazed.  I mean I am not like hiding from the world, but wow.  Who knew there were that many children not just in Africa, but right here in the US needing so darn much.   I so wanted to call and adopt!!!!  yeah trust me that worried the hubby, I can tell you that much.   Those lil faces just broke my heart and the thought of well no future for them was just tugging at me.

BUT and you know there is always a but.  The show did continue in the sense of who got voted off and who’s staying.  I totally disagree with how they did that.  It was very cruel and seemed mean spirited to me.  Come on, poor Jordin was in tears and then he finally say, she is staying too.  Cruel I tell you cruel.  Here the entire show was based on kindness and trying to prevent the cruelty in the world, yet they pulled that stunt.  It did make me a tad angry. No, strike that it made me damn angry.  Just not fair to Jordin really.

Celine Dion and Elvis AMAZING!!!!!  How do they do that??  Yeah computer generated but wow so real looking.

Naturally because I was watching the show I didn’t hit the drv button, why?? why??? why???? hahaha because I didn’t know it would be that great of a show to watch, that’s why!!!

Just curious who watched it and your reaction.  See I do need a life don’t I??  Carrying on about a tv show, I am pitiful that’s for sure!!!!  🙂


I Love A Parade

April 22, 2007

img_1192-small.jpg

The daffodil parade yesterday was just awesome and the rain actually held off until the last 10 minutes of it, then it was just a sprinkle.  An hour and 45 minutes of great floats, bands, horses, clown, and those ol pirates from Seattle.  They make a huge hit every year with their antics and the loud canon they shoot off.

The Daffodil queen and princess court are all high school seniors from around the area.  Quite an honor for them and it’s based on all they have achieved in school.  Reading up on some of them my goodness, they have done more at their age, than some have done in a life time.  Volunteering all over the area, maintaining a 3.5 or above gpa, and just an all round active teen.  Their goals are high and the way they are going, I am sure each and everyone will achieve them.  It’s good knowing there still are achievers out there.  We hear so much of the bad teen, I am glad they have this occasion to point out the good ones.

I don’t know why the media plays up the bad more than the good.  I realize news stories hit home harder if it’s disaster, eg Va Tech, but there are so many good teens out there, they too need some recognition.  If we believed only what we read in the papers or hear on the news, then we would start thinking our country was in big trouble.  But no, I don’t believe it is.  I feel there are plenty of good kids coming up that can do alot for the country, and even the world, we just don’t hear too much about them.

I guess that’s why I love the Daffodil Parade so much. It does focus on teens, all the bands, the floats, based on the kids.  The ones participating are the ones that strive for the best.  They work hard and then come parade time, they finally feel they are getting recognized, gotta love that!!!

But now the parade is done, today a new day and back to reality!!!  Still have one skirt to sew up for the drama club, then waiting for measurement for yet another skirt.  I am on a roll though and will had them at school on Tuesday like the drama teacher wanted.

Hoping to have a cook out today if the weather co-operates, hard to tell around here.  We have rain, then sun, then more rain.  But if worst comes to worst, we cook out and eat in.

After that is all said and done, it’s time for me to hit the ol guitar game once again.  Have to get as good as Bryce and Ashely so we can have a good ol competition .   Yeah that will be in the far future, no doubt when they are married with kids of their own, at the rate I am going.  Geeze hope I am not too old then, need the eye sight in great shape so I can follow the lights!!! Go Granny Go!!!!

So once again I am off to first sew, second get mama up and take care of her, then oh yeah boogie down to Guns and Roses.  I so have to master that song!!!!


Games

April 21, 2007

img_1163-small.jpg   

yeah I know I so shouldn’t put a pic of me on here, ugh is the word, but just to show you I have gone against all my “preaching”!!!  That is me playing the video game Guitar Hero II and oh my gosh, I am soooooooooooo hooked on it.  All I want to do is play it.  That is wrong, wrong wrong!!!

See for years now I have been after Bryce to get off the games and have a social life.  He would be in his room for hours on end, video games.  Talk them, play them, dream them, that was so his life.  I knew it wasn’t good for him and it was a major battle to just have him join us for family movie night.

So okay I have been proven wrong on two accounts now.  The first well I so believe Bryce was the very first kid to lose weight from playing the DDR.  He would be in his room just 24/7 on that dance pad.  Now mind you he used to weigh 245 pounds, yes, a heavy heavy child.  One day I happened to notice his pants looked big.  He was wearing size 44 jeans and xx large shirts.  I am telling you his weight literally fell off him.  In 6 months time, if that even, he went from him 44 jeans to size 34, from 254 lbs to 15o lbs.  The weight seemed to melt off him from that ddr game.  Now he is skinny, no joke and he wasn’t even trying to lose weight.  Just loved the game and played it.  Would go to the arcade to play on the metal dance pad, would dance for hours.  People would gather around watching his feet move like lightening.  They would keep feeding that ddr machine money just to watch him.

Okay so I said yes, that game is good for you, healty etc.  Now have you seen that they want the ddr game used in gym classes??  Sure I wrote to different places about Bryce but no response, now a year later, it’s a big deal.  MMMM Bryce was first, trust me on that.  I so would love to do that to lose weight but I have this foot that is handi-cap so that is out.
Okay then he gets into other games and I am still harping away at him.  Get off the games, get outside, get social etc.  That too back fired on me,  yep he got a little “too” social.  Found himself a girlfriend and ohhhhhhhhhh well that’s a blog in itself, the teenage problems with him living only for her.  Now if he isn’t with her, he is on the games, I so can’t win!!  I only want him to have a balanced life, not live for games and the girlfriend, nothing else.

That brings this up to the Guitar Hero II game, the second time I was proven wrong.  I was a tad upset he spent almost his entire paycheck on it but shook my head, bit my tongue and didn’t say a word.  Yeah that was very difficult for me to do, but proud of myself for doing that.

I am trying extremely hard with him to make things right, friendly no stress etc, so when he asked if I wanted to see his new game, I was “sure, I will be in your room in a few”.  Oh wow, that was a total mistake.  I watched him and then something just took over my body and mind, I know it did.  It was like the “game demon” entered my mind and said “yeah try it, try it”.  One try and that is all it took.  I asked him to bring the game out, hook it up to the big tv and I was hooked.  Mama, do I have a mother to take care of???  Supper? What stop playing to cook?  Are you nuts!!!  I am 79% through the song, I so have to master it.  Laundry??? Huh? Are you telling me I have to do that?  Can’t no time, almost through the song.  My goal here is to complete the song and see “YOU ROCK” on the screen, instead of “SONG FAILED”.

So now it’s every day I grab that ol guitar turn on the game, hit “easy” haha, yeah not brave enough to pick any other, and strum away to the lights.  Try to get through a song.  Me an old fart, strumming to Guns and Roses, hahaha way too funny, but I wil master that song, then find another one, and another one, and another one.  How do I get that  game demon out of my head now???  Heck I don’t even want to.  I rush my poor mama through her breakfast, plunk her in the chair and then I play!!!  I am a sick sick sick daughter, wife and grandmother!!!!  I need help but I don’t want help, I want that guitar in my hands, the lights flashing on the screen and the music so loud I couldn’t hear mama if I tried!!!

So now how do I tell my grandson to lay off the games????  Haha but I do and you know why?  If he isn’t playing it, then I can, OH YEAH the power of being a granny!!!  I know  I so need help, but in the meantime it’s cut this off, grab the guitar and boogie down!!!!


Hey hey hey

April 21, 2007

max   

yeah check it out, I actually got a picture on here.  Thanks Kurt for all your help, I got tired of trying on aol and went back to firefox, go figure, could have been doing this all along.

Okay Kurt what is the difference anyway?  Why can’t I get the same thing with AOL do you know?  Haha don’t answer like my daughter, her response “cause AOL sucks” hahahaha but she may have something there huh?

So finally got a pic of poor lil Max when he was sick.  He is doing better now, and hey so am I knowing I can do this.


I Can Do It!!!

April 20, 2007

Yeah I am so sure I can. My grandaughter Ashely is in the senior play The Little Shop of Horrors and rehearsal and preparations have been brutal to say the least. Dang between school, band, the play and her job, we haven’t seen much of her.
So the other day I get a letter in the mail from the drama teacher at Bethel High. Not letter to me haha, more like a plead for help, and all the help she can get. Turns out her lighting person quit on Friday, and yeah the play is May 1st or something like that. The one to help with costumes got a call her child was ready for adoption in China, so she had no choice but to bail out. There is no one that knows how to operate the huge mechanical plant, and this letter went on and on and on. So yep, I felt so bad, really could feel her pain to be honest. It’s tough to do things and then have everyone back out at the last minute.
I emailed the drama teacher and volunteered my services to alter and make any and all costumes needed. Told her my time though is very limited as I have mama to care for. Only have early morning hours really, and Thursday for 5 hours when the home health care comes in. Told her I could do alot from home, have the kids come here for measurements, fittings etc.
Oh yeah she so jumped on that email hahaha. Response was almost instant actually, made me laugh a bit. Desparation totally showing through. I so wanted to tell her “no stress, it will be fine”, but didn’t.
So yesterday here comes Ashley in from rehearsal with an armload of material and a request first for 3 skirts for TUESDAY!! yeah the Tuesday coming up. Fine, I know I can do it, but here’s the thing, haha. No pattern, skinny elastic ( so not going to do for me) and just a verbal of what is needed. Fine I can wing these skirts, but need the girls for measurements at least, then I intend to go buy some wide waistband elastic. My donation to the cause I guess.
I am glad to help but verbal descriptions of what is needed is a tad tricky but hey, I will do this and yeah the skirts will be at the school on Tuesday.
I am not sure how many costumes need altering but whatever the amt, I can do it and even the drama teacher said the girls and guys will be allowed to come here for fittings. Ashley will be the designated driver for them all , so this should be interesting to say the least. I am just glad it can be done from home, makes it so much easier for me. Mama can sit and watch, and I will feel much better being home with her at all times.
If there are nights or late afternoons that require painting of the sets etc, I hope to be able to help. If Bryce doesn’t work, he can watch mama, or on Ron’s day off , he can watch her for a few. So can’t take her with me, she needs constant attention and assurance that she is okay where she is at. I couldn’t do that plus give my all to painting. I am sure it will all work out one way or the other.
It’s sad to me though. I asked Ashley what other parents volunteered their help and she said “so far just you grandma”. So why is that I wonder? Why don’t parents get more involved, especially in a situation like this? Heck I can learn lights, learn how to use a mechanical plant etc, so why can’t the other parents give it a whirl? I realize alot work, but not 24/7 you know?
Our children are so important and we so need to support them in all they do. Heck I can say in the 7 yrs we have had the twins, I believe I have only missed ONE thing at school, and that was due to me working. I do all I can to attend any and all events that go on. The kids and the teachers work so hard, and it’s sad when I go to oh say a concert, an assembly etc, that there are plenty of empty seats. I would say turn out is maybe 70% pretty good, but why not 100% you know?
So coming up there’s the Daffodil Parade tomorrow, the Good Citizen award assembly on the 26th ( yeah Ashley got that ), then band events the 27th, May 12th, May 31st, June 4th and June 6th, all marked on my calendar, along with the play in May. haha oh yeah I mumble and grumble cause they have all this going on, but I do go and yep do enjoy. It’s just getting myself ready, mama ready, mama in there, settled, coming home getting her in the house etc, BUT the kids are so worth it.
I guess all my babbling here is to vent because there are way too many parents that so don’t want to get involved. Not fair to the kids right? Not fair to the teachers either.
So all you mom’s out there with little ones, be prepared for their school!!! Me I am doing “last” of everything as graduation is June 9th, but I have stuck it out and it’s all been worth it. You all have years ahead of you but one you get involved, you will see your child blosom and see the joy on their faces when they spot you in the audience. That right there is all worth whatever the hassle it is to get to any event. The smile, the pride, and the joy!!! It doesn’t get any better than that.